Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

Harper This week has been completely hectic. It's like I've been running errands since I cback to this city without even taking a moment to rest.

At least Lilly is now more comfortable. Gabriel didn't agree to ship her mattress, given the one she has here is more comfortable, but he did agree to ship her sheets and blankets. It has made a difference, with her now sleeping the whole night.

Gabriel, where can I even begin? He comes heven if it's in the late hours, but that's the extent of it. We have been avoiding each other, trying to live like the other doesn't exist. I think it's better for us to do it this way. It will keep Lilly from seeing us fight all the time.

"Mom, you wanted to speak to me?" Lilly's voice pullsback from to the present.

I put down the clothes I was folding, and sit on the bed before signaling her to do the same. She crosses the room with a frown and sits down next to me.

We were in my room. As you have guessed, Gabriel and I don't share a room. That is the one thing I don't know how to explain to Lilly. She'll be curious, given that Liam and I shared the master bedroom.

"Mom?" "Sorry, there are a few things I wanted to explain to you," I tell her, pulling her close to me.

I need the strength to tell her what I've been hiding. It's not every day your mother tells you that the man you thought was your father isn't. The one thing I'm afraid of is her reaction. I know she'll be mad but I hope that she'll understand. But then again, how will she understand that I deliberately kept her from her biological father? How can I tell her the entire truth without revealing the kind of man Gabriel is? Or how terrible of a husband he was back then? That's where my dilemma stems from. How can I tell her the truth without telling her the entire truth? "You want to start by explaining the shining diamond that you're currently rocking?" she asked with one eyebrow raised high.

I knew she noticed, but I didn't tell her anything. Since I didn't say a thing, she didn't ask... but I knew it was only a matter of time. "I got married," I simply stated.

"I figured that out," she whispered. "But why didn't you invite me, I would have liked to be there with you, it's not like I was against you getting married, Mom." I felt the hurt in her words, but I just didn't know what to tell her. This wasn't the kind of marriage she thought; it wasn't a love match. How was I going to explain that my marriage to Gabriel was just a contract? That if I could have my way, and if he wasn't threatening to take her away, I would never have married him.

"I'm sorry, darling, but you have to understand that things happened so fast," I began. "There wasn't any wedding party or anything like that... we just had to do it really quick." "But why?" "You won't be able to understand right now, but when you're older, I'll tell you everything." She's quiet and I know she's thinking of whether to push the matter or let it go. I wasn't lying; when she's older, I'll explain that my marriage was just a contract. That it wasn't anything real.

"Do you love him?" she asked after a while.

Sighing I look at her as I think of an answer that will placate her.

"It's complicated," I finally said.

"Really, Mom? That's what adults say when they don't want to answer a question," she muttered while rolling her eyes. "You could have just been honest and said you don't want to answer." "Fine, I don't want to answer." I try to hide my smile.

Gosh! I loved my baby girl so much, but deep down I knew that I was trying to stall.

"So, is that what you wanted to talk toabout?" My heart starts picking up pace. Anxiety clawed its way inside me, trying to seizecompletely. This was the moment of truth. "No," I said nervously. "It's something else." "Okay, shoot" Taking a deep breathe, I decide to rip it off like a band aid.

I take her hand in mine. "Gabriel is your dad." "Well, duh, you're married to him now so that makes him my stepdad," she said again, rolling her eyes. "I'm hot stupid, mom, I know how this works. Remember, Sheryl got a stepmother after her mother and father divorced?" Sheryl was a girl who went to the sschool. They were classmates, back at home. Her parents got divorced about three years ago and the dad married another woman.

"No, Lilly... I mean, Gabriel is your dad, your biological father," I whisper, my voice full of fear. “Liam was your stepdad.” She's quiet, staring atas if she were trying to piece together the information I just told her. I see the moment she finally grasps it and her eyes becaccusing.

"Lilly..." "No," she shouted, ripping hand from mine. "You're lying" "I'm sorry, baby girl, but I am not lying... Gabriel is your father." tears fill my eyes as I look at her, which convey nothing but betrayal.

"You lied to me, you letbelieve Liam was my dad even though he wasn't." The tears flowing down her cheeks broke my heart. Fuck! I never thought I'd find myself in this situation. This was what I was afraid of the whole time.

"Please letexplain," I begged, coming close to her.

Instead of lettingnear her, she pushed herself away from me, almost falling down in the process.

"Explain what!" she yelled. "You lied to me. Why didn't you ever tellthe truth?" I want to say something, anything, but my mouth is sealed shut. There is nothing I can say to make this better, unless I tell her the truth and I tarnish Gabriel's nin the process. "Tellthis one thing, did Gabriel know the truth?" she asked, looking atwith so much bitterness.

I understand that she's angry, but that look is breaking my heart. I debate how to tell her, knowing that the answer will bring more tension to our relationship. She wasn't a baby, she was old enough to understand things. "No, he didn't," I whispered the two condemning words.

"I hate you!" Without saying another word, she stomps away, slamming the door in the process. I fall on my knees as all my strength leaves my body.

I did everything I could to protect her, but I doubt she'll ever understand that. I know she's angry, but her last words breakand shred my heart into pieces.

"Harper?" I look up to find Gabriel at my door. Cursing inside, I try to wipe away the tears that keep falling.

Yes, I blhim. I blhim for everything, so he is the last person I want to see right now.